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Trimite pe YM!Manelist = A special breed of romanian built to withstand even the most horrific sounds , that he himself can make , they are often used at parties to calm down violent drunkmen from breaking things. Be aware that in order not to harm other guests money must be thrown to make the beast stop.
Naspa =this word has actually no meaning, but vaguely evil and bad. It’s beyond adjectives or nouns, it can even be a verb is the speaker is drunk enough. Naspa can be used in any situation. Your dog dies “naspa”, your grandmother is on fire “naspa”, you lost a penny “really naspa”.
Curva = a select social category, mainly formed of women and high-school girls, that are organized in a sort of secret society, that have the insidious goal of killing the male population through intense sexual activity. A derived word of the curva, is tarfa, the difference being that a curva will have sex with anybody, but a tarfa will have sex with anybody but you.
lol = It’s not actually a romanian word but young teens keep on using it. It is extremely uncool to actually laugh about a joke , you just politely say lol and nod with a serious look. Tracing the word back to it’s roots is hard, but it seems to be most present in the deep waters of the mIRC and it is extremely popular among young teens who don’t have a life but are seaching for one on the internet.
Manca-ti-as = a special word used to describe many attitudes and various thoughts in Romanian language. Usually, it is followed by an anatomic part of the human body. Examples: “manca-ti-as pula, coaiele….”, etc. This word does not express hunger, in most cases, but you can never be too sure, as the Romanians have a very healthy appetite for everything that can be put in the mouth (especially women).
Bengos = a word used to describe something cool. In Romanian language anything good can be bengos. You bought a new pair of jeans, they are “bengosi”, you go to a club - it’s bengos. It is the opposite of “naspa” and can be use even for describing a person: “a bengos ass”, “bengoase breasts” and so on.
A Confused Nation(wtf?)
The Romanians lived happily for approximately 1000 years under their emperor Jvljvs Ceasar during a period know as the Pax_Romanianium, not showing any sign of progress in any domain because of a racial genetic disorder that later historians used to call “congenital lazy bastarditis.” However the romanians managed to get split into three diferent regions. The Valachian region pillaged and raped by the turks, the Moldavian region pillaged and massivelly raped by the russians and the Transylvanian region just generaly raped by the hungarians and the austrians. During this period the romanian common peasant discovered a very useful tactic of war. Anytime there was even the slightest rumor of turks or any other invader the romanian peasents would burn the crops, bring down their houses, rape wathever they could lay their hands on, poison the wells and beat each other up so when the invaders arived they could laugh at them “ha ha, we already pillaged all that was to pillage, suckers”. Demoralized by this tactic the turks refused to invade and counqure such a suicidal country. Romania could have probably existed like that for a long time were it not for a mad ruler called Mihai the Lion heart. He managed to counquer the whole of what will be once Romania and unite it under one iron fist. His first act of law as the new king of Romania was to die and after that divide the country again. For the next couple of years the most interesting thing that happened in Romania was the anual race and slain of the pig. This horrid example of barbarism usually happened near the new year when hundreds of romanian people would stuff themselves until explosion with dead pigs. This practice brought down the number of the romanian army to only about a hand full of women who were camuflaging as men without no aparent reason other than having sex with other transvestite women they thought to be extremely vigurous men.
Government
In 1756, a bloodless revolution resulting in some 1 million mutilations, 267,000 viral infections and 72,506 bisexual cows — but zero deaths — brought to power an anarchical government. This authoritarian regime has remained in power ever since thanks to its ingenious use of Yufu’s chinese food.
In 2004, after the elections, Adrian Nastase, the displaced prime minister, could return to his life long passions: giving oral sex to old people on the bus, and anal sex with apes who are in danger of no-sex.
After the lost of the long departed dear Ceausescu, ruler of them all, the people of Romania found themselves lost and without a paternal figure. So, in order to compensate this tragic loss, the Romanians voted at each democratic election for the little brother of Ceausescu - Iliescu (or Iliescov). The resemblance between the brothers offered the Romanians peace of mind: the poverty, the outrageous public thefts, the peak of bureaucracy and so many lovely communist traditions.
The current ruler of Romania is a former corsair which goes by the name of Traian Basescu. Although his name seems to resemble those of the former presidents, we must notice that he is only trying to become the first emperor of the newly seemed to have proven this rumour as false. He also became famous for his military campaign against dogs who were planning to take over the galaxy. As a consequence, now cats are secretly running it, while dogs are sent to re-education camps were they learn how to become soap. An unconfirmed rumour states that this is the same soap Bush and Blair are using.
Romania and the end of the world
As constantly beeing 20 years behind any known society, when the end of the world will come - romanians will have another 20 years to spend after nuclear bombs will fall over the aviary chickens.. Most Romanians look forward to this since they will finally be able to flee into America and Canada so when death comes to claim them, the Romanians will just show their American or Canadian work green cards and claim they already died as American citizens. Like this Romanians will be able to live forever and rule the world. After they rule the world for a couple of years the Romanians will eventualy die out because they will not be able to emigrate to other countries and they will not be able to request debts from other countries. Another theory is that Romanians will shoot all the moldavians to the moon and thus create another culture. This will be posible since moldavians have their head full of empty air and they can survive in an outer space forever.
Common used expressions
It is not uncommon to walk on a Romanian sidewalk and hear words like bulangiule or fah pizda proasta or even sa-mi sugi pula, mainly because they are part of the spoken language of the Romanians and because romanians are very expressive people, so let’s try to learn a few expressions that are commonly used here in Romania:
- S-a spart neaga = commonly used to describe the sex Simbol of Romania , Neagu Adrian
- Muie [Moo-eah] = Hello
- Pula [Poo-lah] = Hand
- Pizda [Peez-dah] = Food
- Bulangiu [Boo-lan-jew] = Friend
- Manca-mi-ai pula [Moon-kah me-ai poo-lah] = It’s an honor to shake your hand
- Fute-ma [Foo-teh-ma] = Hello (a sintax used mainly by young girls and widows)
- Futu-ti Mortii Ma-tii [Fooh-tootzi moortzee mah-tea] = Nice too meet you
- Baga-mea-s pula-n ma-ta [Bah-gameash poo-lah oon mah-ta] = Your mother has smooth hands (Romanians bare a lot of respect for their mothers, so it is not uncommon to compliment one’s mother)
- Futu-ti pizda ma-tii [Foo-tootzi peez-dah mah-tii] = Your mother’s food is very tasty.(again, commonly used by romanians during dinner to compliment one’s mother about her cooking)
- Sa te fut [Sah teh foot] = I love you
- Sa te fut in cur [Sah teh foot oon coor] = I love you very much
- Da-te-n sloboz de bulangiu [Dah tan sloobooz deh boo-lan jew] = Nice wheather, isn’t it my friend
- Da-te-n mortii ma-tii [Dah-tan moortzee mah-tee] = See you later
- Manca-mea-i coaiele [Moon-cah-mwei coah-ye-leh] = Let me buy you lunch
The list could continue, but in Romania you should remember that respect has a different approach, so don’t be shy to kick a romanian in the balls or step on his pin-pointed GUCCI leather immitation shoes, because that denotes the degree of respect that one bares for an individual.
The bravest thing anyone can do
Due to the lack of food in Romania, in Eastern Europe, is often said, that “The bravest thing anyone can do” is to sit on a pig and ride through Romania. The result may vary:
- If the traveler is American most likely the romanians will capture him and eat his wallet and passport.
- If he is form Holland he will probably get turned into a huge joint and smoked by a bunch of young romanian teens.
- If he is japanese people will just stare at him until he dies of shame(same with chinese)
- If he is black people will repeatetly ask him how big his dick is until he will die of exasperation.
- If he is Hungarian Romanians will attack and eat him.
However it’s unclear what happens to the pig since the poor animal disapears within second of setting his hoves on Romanian soil. Most of the time before the traveler can realized what happned to his pig.
pauza de tutiun:
gata…
Tzaranesc
Something really cool, but pretty basic, in order to be understandable by the peasants.
Imediat
Despite it’s close relationship to English’s “Yes, I’ll do it right away. Let me hurry out of consideration for your needs,” this statement actually means, “Bugger off, I’ll do it when I’m good and ready.”
Maine
Similar to its Spanish equivalent of Minyana, this means, “Bugger off. I don’t feel like it today. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either, but I’ll at least say ‘tomorrow’ to make you feel better.”
Luni
This is the worst of all, and all hearers can be assured that they are being flipped the bird upon hearing it. Some may think it means, “Monday.” In fact, it means, “Bugger off. I won’t be doing it at all. I don’t feel like it. You haven’t bribed me enough. I’m not coming back.”
Food and Drink
Aurolac
Aurolac is a weak narcotic found in Romania, embedded in plastic bags sold at grocery stores. After its introduction it was reported to have increased sales of ciunga(chewing gum) and other construction materials by 300% percent. Best known location for aurolac drug-addicts is the senate where, almost every day there are reports of people falling asleep from the drug,and you found in Moldova.
Ciunga
Ciunga is a homemade Rumanian construction material made from 2 days chewed bubblegum. It has a very good adherence to objects like tables, floors and of course hair. Romanians have a long and lasting tradition of putting ciung? on the hair, the recipients of such high commendation being a select group among the Rumanian citizens. To be spotted as having “ciung?-n p?r” (ciunga in the hair in English) is an appreciation of a successful career. The bearers of such honour are selected from the masses and given the opportunity to change their lives.
The ciunga is related to glue (prenandez) and a variety of soap called “Duru care spala curu” as they are both made from the bones of dogs specially trained for this. These dogs are set free on the streets to multiply and eat small children, this giving a very good consistency of the ciunga product. The dogs are then collected from the street, after they have produced a dozen other such dogs each, killed in a ritual under the red moonlight. As their bones are being ground to create the “faina de oase de caine” ( the main ingredient for ciunga ), their meat is used for preparation of face health-care products or the highly popular “salam de sibiu”, an edible beating stick.
This highly revered race of dogs is called either “potai” “javre” or “lighioanele dreacu”.
The ciunga is also edible, after it’s worn. There is a special ritual to it held in high regard between the Rumanian people. It has never been fully understood, studying a person performing such rituals being hazardous to your physical and mental health. What we do know so far is that it must be performed in public and includes chewing with your mouth wide open while emanating a sound known as “plescait”. If feeling particularly potent at that time, the person performing the ritual may pull the ciunga out of the mouth by one end, holding the other end with the teeth, then pushing it back in the mouth. This seems to attract the opposite sex.
Also, there is a variation to this, called “facutu de baloane” or, as some call it, “clabuci”. It basically consists in making an air filled balloon out of the said ciunga and popping it. If properly executed, this manoeuvre will cover the person’s face with ciunga, and he/she can proceed to peeling it off the skin and sticking it back in the mouth. This has an even more powerful sensual attraction to it, but only few can manage it.
When discarding, the ciunga must be placed somewhere very handy, so other people may enjoy it, a popular spot being the chair. The ciunga goes perfectly with any form of clothing, especially with the “blugi”, a fashion statement that has brought many awards at fashion shows.
Sloboz
Sloboz is yet another successful drink among the women in Romania. It is mostly known for its healing capabilities.
It was rediscovered and re-distilled by a local hero, about 2 or 3 years ago, known as El Dano Negro. He loved it very much. Many people here in Romania thank El Dano “Estupido” Negro by drooling over his mother (nature). The verb “a slobozi” could also be translated as “free your horses”.
Besides being a popular drink, sloboz is also encountered in expressions like: “da-te-n sloboz” which means “I’d love to take you out on a romantic date” or “I’d love to take you out to see a movie”:smile: Sloboz is strictly related to the processus of muie.
Tuica and palinca
Palinca de Bihor 55% alcohol. 45% shit. Romanian Jack Daniels.
See tuica
And you are very hapy and say:”ma doare-n p**a”
Driving In Bucharest
easy steps :
- if the street is full, drive on sidewalk
- if the sidewalk is full,go on the local river(Dambovitza),it has 3 speed lines
- if u`re lost,ask a local make [romanian : machedon aka tzantzar (mosquito)] to show u the way; hint: always take the opposite dirrection.
- if you get stopped by street police due to traffic misconduct, tell them your uncle is a senator or bribe them (from 20 RON to 150 RON, depends on what rule u broke)
- if you are waiting for some pedestrians to cross the street at the street crossing, it is polite to start a conversation (as you’ll have plenty of time)
for example:
-if one of the pedestrians is a man and he has burried his hands inside his jeans pockets, you could say something like “Bai, scoate mainile din buzunar ca-ti mananca pula unghiile.” which means “Yes sir, you can never be too careful around this neighborhood - a lot of thieves are after your “pula” (money).”
-if one of the pedestrians is a woman, you can start a conversation by saying something like “Fa, misca-te mai repede ca masina asta calca nu fute!” which means “Hi! I’ll be glad to give you a lift!”.
- the only rules of driving in Bucharest are the above rules. However, if you’re not careful while driving in Bucuresti, you might get a mooje muie.
p.s :no drivers in bucharest are locals,all locals drive in the Danube Delta,proud home of Bird Flu (romanian : gripa aviara manca`tzas)
Politicians
Politicians, like in any other country, are the greatest idiots of the nation. The dumber you are, the higher you get. The only things that matter are connections (or “pile”). Here are the most important and well-known (not the same thing!) politicians (some of them are not as stupid):
Dracula - aka the great vampire. Live in center of this country. It killed over 23 millions. I’m the last in this country, so i wrote in uncyclopedia to know that a great people existed once.
Ion Iliescu - a.k.a. Nelu, a.k.a. Nelu “Three Terms in Office”, a.k.a. Nelu “Four More Years”, a.k.a. Neica, a.k.a. Bunica (Gramma) and so on. Ex-President of Romania; he is always smiling. Do not get fooled by his appearance! He is one of the most dangerous people in the world, more dangerous than a cobra snake. It is said he was once bitten by a scorpion; the poor animal turned red (and died) almost instantly. Until 1997 Ion Iliescu presented a 7-hour late night talk show called “Ion Iliescu Indirect”. When Romania adopted EU guidelines on the separation of state politics and the mass media (applicable to all EU member states except Italy), Iliescu adopted the secret identity of Dan Diaconescu: as such, he is the only Romanian never to have appeared on “Dan Diaconescu Direct”.
Adrian Nastase - a.k.a. Nastase “Four Houses”, a.k.a. Nastase “Go Count My Eggs!”. He once stated that he owns only a small apartment, but during a search by the internal revenue service, inspectors found four three-storied houses hidden under the bed.
Corneliu Vadim Tudor - a.k.a. Rudotel, a.k.a. Mad Dog, a.k.a. Corneliu “Vaccin” Tudor, leader of PRM (Great Romania Party), a deeply troubled person, repeatedly committed to the psychiatric ward, which he has always escaped from. Always delusional, he thinks the ethnic Hungarians, the Jews, CIA & Mossad operatives, and the Masons are plotting to destroy and conquer Romania. Despite his madness, some of the Romanians are fervent followers. CoLa: Vadim is a former javelin thrower, former sex symbol among ballerinas and a former anticommunist within the Romanian Communist Party (RCP). His friends list includes Gheorghe Funar, a well-known PC maniac who likes to play Doom with Hungarians. Another friend of Vadim is George Pruteanu, a renowned gramaticallist who would not enjoy this site. Vadim also excels in accusing Adrian “Count my Eggs” Nastase (a.k.a. Bombonel) of sex without women. Votes were stolen from him and are still being stolen as we speak. The Mirror TV was closed because of him, and was reopened because of him. Thieves are afraid of him. He’s a magician. A lot of his former friends are now pigs. He might be the next Romanian President. That would be interesting.
Traian Basescu - a.k.a. “Base”, a.k.a. “Marinaru’” (the Sailor), a.k.a. “Chioru” (One Eye). Currently President of Romania. Nobody knows if he has hair or not: sometimes the wind uncovers a shiny head. Former oil tank master and commander (do not mistake him for Russell Crowe!), he managed to be elected President, to the despair of Adrian Nastase and Ion Iliescu. He is suspected to hide a house under his bed and his name is an anagram of “Satanic Abuser” - which is a coincidence.
Adi Mutu
A.k.a. Mutu, a.k.a. Stupefiantul (the inhaler), a.k.a. Briliantul, a.k.a. Inspiratorul, a.k.a Aspiratorul. Romanian dancer, used to be in the ‘Nationala’ dance club but he was kicked out of the club by the dance professor Anghel “The Chicken” Iordanescu, after a serious asthma crisis which forced him to use the inhaler publicly during a dance show. A very popular joke in Romania is this: “Q: Why does Mutu like football so much? A: Because it is played on GRASS!” He was married to Alexandra, a natural blonde (no this is not a joke!) but he divorced her after he learned that her son, Mario, is actually a bastard because of his snowboarding skills , not that it has something to do with the world champion Alberto Tomba who dated Alexandra in Italy , he just knows how to ski … He plays well, but his team loses almost always; it’s not his fault, just a lack of fortune. Now he is engaged to be married to the daughter of a Dominican mobster, who will probably provide him much cheaper “inhalers” from the Dominican Republic. Still, we beg him to come back and marry Alexandra again, for she is very hot. And she won’t let us.
Andreea Marin
She is the most stupid , arrogant and dull woman of all. She makes you sick.She likes to show what she doesn’t have: her tits. Whilst some have the opinion above, for a vast majority of men her pictures represent the perfect whack-off material, this way bringing honor to the local bear population by ‘doing the paw’. She also has a rather funny laughter which she doesn’t mind showing off on every occasion and is known to be screwing around with former tennis player (nowadays local tarabostes) Ion Tiriac. Originating from Moldavia, it is quite a pity she lost her Moldavian accent, and now she’s talking, barking, surprising, stupidizing… annoyingly perfect. That means she is a celebrity, an unnatural model of a pretty romanian girl….
Benone Sinulescu (aka Nea Benny)
Benone “Baldy” Sinulesco (ex-Sinulescu) and his idiot-band Ro-Mania are a vermin-like phenomenon which takes place currently in Romania. He’s an antediluvian libidinous but friendly freak, who recently has given up in wearing a wig, showing his wonderful sample of alopecia.
Bula
Bula is a mythical hero present in almost all Romanian “not so funny” and “not so salted” jokes. He is omnipresent and despite its unbelivable qualities, everything he is or does represents the most common romanian..therefore..smart.
CABRAL
The only african-romanian tv-star. Very famous, all newspapers are invaded by stories of his romantic/sexual adventures with a very large variety of female dogs of top-models and daughters of members of the Parliament. He is best known for starring as a police officer called Balan (Whitey) in a romanian sitcom. He is said to have a very large penis but it’s just a joke.
CARCOTASHII
Carcotasii are a brainless kind of rat, that are looking just for eating crap. Sometimes they make sense, but mostly they are not funny. They only make fun of everybody else - especialy Catalin Radu Tanase and president Basexu:smile: , but they are so stupid almost all the time - everybody hates them. They make fun of other peoples mistakes, but they don’t ever make a tv show LIVE, only recorded and THEIR MISTAKES are not to be shown… and guess something … those little pricks are married :smile: with real women. That gives a hope to those retarded people: keep hoping , if LITTLE CHICKEN - “GAINUSA” - got married anyone can. I am thinking to marry my car with my phone… and the other little prick “HUIDU” - meaning BOOOOOO - he is driving a motorcycle - that is good - cause we wish him to celebrate his next Christmas with Lennon, Freddie Mercury and Kurt Cobain. Hey you little stupid devils - I know why you like to make jokes about everybody else - JUST BECAUSE GOD MADE A JOKE BY CREATING YOU :D
Daniela Gyorfi
The half-breed sex addicted, with big breasts, manele and other unknown genres singer that calls herself Daniel-coada-de-maimutza (Danilela). People just call her Beorfy or Shtorfy(coming from romanian ‘boarfa’ respectively ’shtoarfa’). A big and old sexsymbol that is never satisfied with her breast size (only her big nipples seem to always be the same size), Daniela never acknowledged her status as a decent TV whore, but her desperate war to gain publicity by showing everything on live TV (even her bare pussy) gave her away as the whore queen of Romanian television. Having all of these so called breast-augmentating operations also raised up rumors that she might be a he, but besides her restless sex life, nothing has been proven. Daniela has had so many nude in public appearances that no one was interested in her latest scandal when she was caught on tape blowing some dude and taking it from behind. She has an online contest on her official website, the loser being entitled to a whole month of wild animalic 24-7 sex with her. What a Bitch.
Eminescu
He’s one of the brilliant minds of Romania’s history. He is the first man to set foot on Venus and before dying he was planning to go to Ur-Anus.
Gica Petrescu
Gheorghe “Gica” Petrescu a.k.a Gheorghe “Gica” Popescu is a famous Romanian singer and football player. He is 105 years old and in his spare time plays music at parties. He is well known for hits such as “Sa mai bem un paharel” (Let’s drink another little glass) and “Du-ma acasa mai tramvai” (Hey tram, take me home). When he was younger, that is 85 years old, he used to date Anna Kurnikova, which he dumped for Alexandra Mutu, causing a big scandal whithin the Romanian soccer team.
Ion Dolanescu
John Dolanescu (his real name being Ion Dolanescu) is a quite known peasant singer, who’s actually more famous due to his jealousy on Marin Cornea and Benone Sinulescu, the reason for this jealousy being their beautiful wigs, wigs which are sexier than his own hand-made wig of imported Yak hair, which is making it more smooth and velvety. His friend, the also-wigged Ion Laceanu said once about him “Hihihihi, yesss !”, followed by a more descriptive “Cine nu stie pe Dolanescu, nu stie patria noastra, nu stie istorie !”. Update: the expression means “Who isn’t familiar with Dolanescu isn’t familiar with either our land or our history!” The English translation of his last saying is missing(see Update) because anyway, no matter what Laceanu is saying, Dolanescu remains a wonderful uhh…. singer, until he will hopefully die, making us kind of sad, kind of happy.
Teo
Known for her voluptuous figure, is one of the most active sustainers of manele. She doesn’t hesitate to invite in her show prestigious figures of manele, which pay for being there some money made from pickpocketing, selling stolen phones and other so-called “tzepe” (frauds). To attract a certain segment of desperate people, she uses Nicoleta a.k.a. “Huge Tits” Luciu, another representative of the tzigani, whom she exposes every time she lacks audience. Another half woman-half kitchen robot is Tantza, a failed actrice, who has a telenovelistic figure of a woman between ages and who lacks basic culture. The idea of Teo is the next one: it doesn’t matter who appears in her show, the money should appear.
Vanghelie “which is”(i.e:”care este”)
This sooted Eminescu of Bucharest is well known throughout the country as being the mayor of the 5th sector of the capital…just kidding…actually he is known for his disputable control of the Romanian language. As if it weren’t enough that he abusively uses “care este”(i.e.:”which is”) in every phraze his 2 shortcircuited neurons can produce, he also made a fool of himself..wait, a bigger fool of himself on a national TV show, where he couldn’t conjugate the verb “to be”. He “are” an influential figure, “who is” a respected addition to the Romanian wall of “lack of school” shame.
Saint Nadia Comaneci
Saint Nadia
Saint Nadia is the patron saint of Gymnastics. Her exact birthdate is unknown but she is reputed to have been born on the 10th of October, 1010. Onesti, was her hometown. She is the only living person ever to be beatified. Nadia was fully canonized in 1976, the year that her immense holiness was first witnessed by the entire world.
Pentru restul intrati pe:
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Politics_of_Romania
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Logan
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bula
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bucharest
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Dracula
uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Dragostea_din_tei
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